Lessons- change

Holding on tightly to dreams and not making room for change will lead to depression. I’ve realised that putting a leash on my expectations, letting the same desires drive me- not letting go and just being- it’s slowly driving me crazy. I’m slowly chipping away at the happiness I do have by wishing for more and looking so far ahead to where I can’t even see…

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One more hurt

I’m waiting on one more thing to break. I have a tendency of trying to be honest in my conversations. I’ve revealed details I shouldn’t but chose to reveal- because in the moment I felt the listener was trustworthy. Now, I await one more thing to break. One more betrayed confidence. Once more scorn and shame and fear and pain. But this time, this time I swear if it happens I shall surely break.  Note to self: these thoughts are trapped in your head and can only escape into reality if you permit. You are strong. You can take one more hurt. You can trust one more person. You won’t break just yet. Your limit hasn’t yet been discovered.

Beautiful unfinished

Unfinished
Why is everything always so
Unfinished
Why do excuses always win?
Where is the depth, the meaning
The cause, the why?
Is there a lesson in the
Unfinished

We matter
Our unfinished
Portrait, story, journey
We all matter

Language
Don’t use it
You lose it
Language of love
Slowly fading

I pity myself
For I won’t let light in
Just yet
And I fear it may be late
When I decide to

Beautiful unfinished

CAW

Just leave me alone

When people hurt me, I try to remember we’re all hurting in some way. No one really knows me. I don’t even know what I’m capable of. There are some evenings when I get home and the sadness sets in. My thoughts start attacking and I let them. I look at my wrist and the recurring “Just cut it” flashes again. Sometimes I stare at it, other times I look away quickly. I remember the good that happened since the last time the thought taunted me. “No,” I think, “I don’t have the harsh traumatic experiences that some people do”. They haven’t. My salve, my sweet sweet comfort- music.
Ooooh love me love me love me…

CAW

Unearth each other

Complex love
If only you’d give fully
You’d get everything
There’s no hidden secret in that
She’d take care of your heart
He’d be there to care for you.
Forget for a second
What attracted you
Learn something new
Instead of repeating old conversations
Don’t you see it in her eyes
In his half smile?
She needs you to dig deeper
He longs for you to discover him.
Unearth each other

CAW

Wrong fight

I want to die
But I don’t want to do it
I’ll not miss anything
Won’t have any insecurities
No longings will drive me crazy
I’ll be fine
But I won’t give it up
I just won’t die!

CAW

Nothing to it

Wonder what it would feel like
Giving everything to you
Would I feel release
Cry out in agony as I am forced to surrender stubbornness?
Wonder what touch would make me give in
Your fingertips curling at the back of my ear
Or your sweet tongue in my throat?

CAW

contortion

If you place your fingers
Between my ribs
Trace the small flesh pockets there
You’ll feel the hidden heat
My percolating passion
Subsiding with each passing breath
Feel right there and your touch
Will burn a sensation so
Unwelcome yet longed for
When your hands linger
Then lift
Don’t disappear
Let them trickle down towards
That path they need to take
Search out the ooh and aah spots
Of my spine

CAW

My damned skin

I’ll continue to write my hurt
Yes, I still wonder why I wasn’t
Enough for you
I’ll write my hurt!
Nothing you can do to stop it!

This is my skin

I’ll live how I want
Make mistakes that
Are glaring
I don’t care what you think

This
Is
My
Skin!

This
Is
My
Sin

My damned skin

CAW

My thoughts

I long for the time when I can help to shape young minds, when I can teach self-sustenance to young persons and when I can provide jobs for those on their way to realising their dreams. I hope to develop myself personally so that when that time comes I’ll be well equipped for the task at hand. I’m not enthusiastic about food- so I’m no chef; not too keen on politics and law but I do think those two areas have such potential reach.  The irony is now that I’ve completed studies, I’m at a crossroads- stuck looking up at the streetlight trying desperately to make out the name of each road. I have absolutely no idea where to go.
Over the years one thought has been constant- help yourself so you can help others. Whichever road I take the destination won’t change.

CAW

This is it

This is what you do
You see those harsh lessons
All those regrets
Those future moments that scare you?
Accept them
Wear all your permanent scars
With pride
Why?
You can’t go back and undo
Any of it!
It’s going to stay awhile
So til then gwaan wear it wid pride
The scars may fade over time
And even if you never forget them
The reminder won’t be as frequent
I promise, if you just accept them.
Yes, you did that and those things now you can do this.

State of mind

Go out and row your boat!
The rain pouring down, is it?
Put your tongue out and lick it!
Giggle like you’re crazy!
Maybe you are a little.
Prance around like a three year old who just got a new toy!
Dare someone to dance with you!
But if they won’t,
just keep dancing!